Alright. Here are a bunch of quotes. I got them from a lot of different places, and I tried to give credit where I could. If you see a quote that is wrongly credited or should be credited let me know! Mickeykk@shaw.ca

To ski or not to ski....that's not even a question!

"I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn'tdo it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. - I don't know who said this first but i got it from Adam B


"Here I lie in stinky vapor, Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger. "

"A friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be there with you saying, "Dang that was fun!"


"When I die I wanna be buried upside down so the whole world can kiss my a*s" -Red, from That 70's show


"Most people are alive because it's illegal to shoot them "


"Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on. "


"Imagine how beautiful America must have been before there were Americans. "


"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a t-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. I think maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash!"


"Why don't you slip yourself into something more comfortable...like a coma"


"Evolution is supposed to be a one way road. Thanks to the stupid bus, we're all going the wrong way. " -i made this one up. Seriously.


"I was so poor growing up....if i wasn't a boy than I wouldn't have had anything to play with. "


"Woke up this morning, my dog was dead. Someone dislikes him, shot him through the head" - a song by Nazareth


"I just died in you're arms tonight" - a song by The Foreigner


"They should make edible ice cream bowls"
"They did. It's called a cone"
-Chris Ren


"Suicide is a way of telling God "you can't fire me, I quit!"


"Boys will be boys. And so will midddle aged men."


"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"


"I'll kill you until you die!!"


"They misunderestimated me!" -George W. Bush


"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"


"There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it."


"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"


"If you want to win, hire a Finn!" - Toni Lydman, from the Calgary Flames (this one is 100% true!)


"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."


"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer


"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees"
-jason kidd


There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!


Conserve energy... fart in a jar


Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy..


Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.


When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.


Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.


"The only things certain in life are death and taxes"


"I'm gonna kill you till you die


"Oh no you did not shoot that green shit at me!"


Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.


Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.


"A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home."


Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!


Is being an idiot like being high all the time?


As I said before, I never repeat myself.


Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.


At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.


If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.


I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)


Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and so is mankind.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain .


Forget the Joneses. I can't keep up with the Simpsons.


We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.


If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?


Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.


USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.


If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.


Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.


My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.


You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax; tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.


Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield..


Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.


The trouble with life is that you're half-way through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.


Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.


Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.


I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.


Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there.


When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.


There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!


Not all men are fools...some are bachelors!


No matter where you go, there you are. Huh?


Confusion: A hungry baby in a topless bar.


Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.


You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking!


" Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth"

YOU ARE A PINK SLORG!!!


I WON A FISH ON A STICK!!!!


Get up and jump around like a big fat lummox, then jump out the window with your hands on your buttocks

"Grass your ass is. Smoke it I will."


One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys came out to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot one another. The deaf police man who heard the noise, came to kill those two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too


"Today's game is so much the mental side," said Finnish coach Raimo
Summanen. "Live and die. Usually, the Finnish teams, usually they die."

"I'm 18 and I don't know what I want!" Alice Cooper